This whole thing with Ashe has been one stumble after another. He hadn't meant to fuck up that business deal and need rescuing, hadn't meant to give in when Ashe insisted on protecting him (If you're going to keep doing things like this and I can't stop you, I can at least keep you alive!), hadn't meant to start liking the feeling of security knowing Ashe was there with his bow when things got rough. Hadn't meant for the one time he offered Ashe his body as payment to turn into sneaking into each other's tents twice a week at least.
He hadn't meant to catch feelings, but he has, and every moment spent with Ashe chips away at his defenses. Within a month Ashe knows his whole sordid past: the stealing, the whoring himself out to nobles, the whole Varley incident, enduring years of Count Rowe's thirsty gazes and "fatherly touches" just to have a stable roof over his head and passage to the Officers Academy only to lose it when those knights attacked his people.
Ashe cries when he gets to the part about Rowe. He embraces Yuri, tells him he deserves better, how sorry he is for ever lecturing him. Only Ashe would apologize for something Yuri's long forgotten about, and it's so utterly stupid Yuri can't help but fall in love right then and there.
He wants to be vulnerable with Ashe. Let down his defenses, place his entire being in those capable hands.
"I want you to come on me," he says the following night. The nobles who settled for him when they couldn't have Dorothea loved to do this, loved to make a mess of his face or back to remind him he was used goods. It seared, hot and sticky and taking forever to get out of his hair, and Goddess help him if it dried on his skin.
But he trusts Ashe. Loves him, against all odds, Ashe would never leave him dirty and sticky.
"Are you sure?" Soft green eyes study him anxiously, a bow-callused hand caresses his cheek. "I mean...I've never done that to anyone. Or any of the stuff we've done, and I just want-"
"I know. But I don't want to be comfortable tonight." Yuri's hand catches his, squeezing it firmly. "I need to do this, to know I can without flinching or being reminded of the past. I need this from you."
"Yuri..." He opens his mouth, about to ask if he's sure again, but instead he just nods. "All right. But if you start to get nervous or uncomfortable, I'll stop. Just make sure you let me know, okay?" Yuri nods, even knowing he won't because discomfort and nerves are necessary to overcoming this demon.
Ashe kisses him, briefly, before sitting at the edge of the bedroll, parting his legs and gesturing for Yuri to kneel. Yuri so rarely gets to suck Ashe off, he's usually on the recieving end of these things. Ashe is easily the most generous lover he's ever had, almost to a fault.
His cock tastes and feels incredible in his mouth, though. The only time Yuri's ever remotely enjoyed giving head is with Balthus, in that "friends with benefits" sense, and he could tell Balthus was put off by him refusing to explain why he didn't like his hair pulled or confused by Yuri always swallowing when he didn't like the taste.
(He'd get punished for spitting if the noble wanted him to swallow. That was another thing he'd need to work through.)
Ashe's hand in his hair is so gentle, though, playing with the strands coming loose from his ponytail, stroking his head. He murmurs words of praise, tells Yuri how good it feels while asking if he's doing okay.
"You don't have to go so fast or so deep," he says, "take your time."
He wonders if he really died during that scuffle and everything after has just been one wonderful dream. But Ashe's cock throbs gently in his mouth and his hands gently card through his hair, and he knows it's real. He sucks a little faster, not out of obligation but because he loves this idealistic, corny fool and if he's going to have Ashe come on him he wants it to be the best orgasm he's ever had.
"Oh...oh wow, that's...Yuri, you're amazing," Ashe pants, stroking his hair. "Don't stop...please?" As if he would. He takes Ashe's length as deep as he can without risking his gag reflext, working a little tongue into this. After a moment, Ashe begins to buck his hips slightly, and Yuri bobs his head.
It's not long before the other's length swells in his mouth, he's getting close. Yuri brings a hand up to teasingly play with his balls a little, and he swells again.
"Yuri-!" Ashe's back arches, his fingers tighten in his hair. "I-I'm gonna-"
Yuri pulls back, but keeps his face close to Ashe's twitching cock. Less than a second later, Ashe lets out a cry as thick jets of white shoot from his tip, splattering across Yuri's face. It's just as hot and sticky as all those other times, but this time he doesn't want to be sick from the sensation, nor does he wish he was anywhere else.
When Ashe is fully spent, Yuri's cheeks are dripping with come, and droplets are falling onto his chest.
He can't say it's suddenly the best thing he's ever felt, but it's a far cry from the disgust he used to feel every time someone did this to him. He waits for the unpleasant flashback, but he remains in Ashe's tent, between his knees.
Ashe gazes down at him, eyes full of love and mild concern.
"Are you okay?"
He is. He'd known from the start that this could have gone very wrong, but he feels fine.
"Yeah. You...that felt nice." Not the fluid itself, but knowing he's taken at least one step towards letting the past lie where it belongs. "Thanks." Ashe stands up and grabs his skin of water along with a small towel, the latter of which he wets before gently starting to clean Yuri's face. "You don't have to-"
"I want to." He takes his time, wiping up every drop of semen, checking his hair and cleaning any strands that might have been hit.
Yuri could fucking cry.
"You know you spoil me." Ashe frowns.
"I don't think cleaning someone after you get them all dirty is spoiling them," he says. "You deserve to be taken care of." Cleaning done, Ashe tosses the towel aside and helps him onto the bedroll. He sits up, motioning for Yuri to lie against him.
Count Rowe always held his head on his lap when he was finished. Stroked his hair, told him what a good boy he was. Ashe's arm wraps around his waist, hand cradling his head against his chest. He's quiet, but his gaze is gentle and loving, and Yuri allows himself to feel safe.
He knows very well Ashe would never betray or hurt him. He can trust him, and that makes him want to be even more vulnerable with him.
It's dangerous. But nothing about Yuri's life has ever been safe.