If Ashe has one complaint, it's that Yuri is too gentle with him in bed. Not to the point where he treats him like he's made of glass, but enough that Ashe has told him it's not necessary. But of course, Yuri just shrugs it off as good-natured complaining and keeps on going as he is.
It's still amazing sex, of course, a little unnecessary gentleness isn't a dealbreaker. Nothing could be a dealbreaker with Yuri as far as Ashe is concerned, he loves him so much, the best thing to come out of the surprise mission to the Abyss with all its close calls and shocking revelations was being reunited with his old friend. He loves every moment he gets to spend with Yuri; on the training grounds, in the kitchen, in town, even in battle, and especially when they get to be alone.
It's perfect, except Yuri is too gentle, and Ashe wishes he could get his needs across without sounding too demanding.
"Yuri," he whispers between soft, heated kisses. Yuri's reaching for the salve, gently pushing him back onto the bed. "Wait." Yuri's hand freezes, his gaze shifting from wanting to worried.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm going to tell you what I told you last time, and I want you to listen," Ashe says. "Don't hold back. Please, be as rough as you want with me, I can handle it." Yuri's teeth catch his lower lip, his hand moves away from the nighttable drawer and towards Ashe's cheek.
"But if I hurt you-"
"You won't. I trust you." Yuri suddenly pulls away and moves to sit at the edge of the bed, head in his hands.
"Well, that makes one of us." His shoulers slump as he gives a shaky exhale, long hair falling over his face, and Ashe immediately gets up and sits beside him. Yuri tenses as he places a hand on his arm, but doesn't push him away. This pained, almost haunted look is nothing new, it's the way Yuri looks anytime he's been randomly selected for choir practice or hears a certain song. But it's never been this intense before.
The silence is thick, almost suffocating before Ashe finally dares to break it.
"Talk to me." Yuri slowly looks up, not bothering to brush the hair from his face. Ashe does it for him, gently stroking his cheek, and Yuri grips his hand.
"Sometimes when people lust after someone they can't have, they'll take the next best thing," he says quietly. "They'll throw that substitute onto whatever flat surface they can find, or bend them over someting hard and fuck them while chanting the name of their obsession. They'll pull his hair, come on his face, slap him around if he moves too much, then when they're finished they'll throw him his clothes and shove him through the back door so their wives won't find out." He says it all practically in one breath, every word a punch to Ashe's heart and stomach, and he feels like a selfish jerk.
His cock's gone soft, any feelings of lust have died away, and it's all he can do not to cry.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize. You're not the one who treated me like a whore. The first time you fucked me was the first time someone inside me cared about anything other than his dick," Yuri laughs bitterly. Ashe grips his hand, squeezing tightly.
"You didn't deserve that. Those nobles were monsters and they had no right to treat you that way."
"But they did, because they could and they knew they'd get away with it."
"They shouldn't." Even as Ashe learns more and more of the harsh realities of life, he still can't believe how low some people will sink for their own selfish needs. "It wasn't okay."
Yuri shifts slightly, finally facing Ashe. The look in his eyes is even more heartbreaking than if he'd broken down sobbing right then and there.
"I swore I'd never be like those bastards. Even when I was using my looks or my body for the sake of the Abyss, if it was me on top I'd hold back just so I wouldn't be that asshole who was hurt and takes it out on the other person."
"But you're not like that!" Ashe protests. "You've never been! The world was horrible to you but everything you've ever done was for the Abyss. For people like you. Even when you were breaking rules it was to protect other people."
"Still." Yuri shakes his head. "I don't know. I guess it sounds pretty stupid when I say it out loud, huh?"
"No," Ashe says. "You were hurt. And even with all your rough edges you're kind, you're gentle, you don't want to hurt others. You see people who suffer the way you did and you just want to help them."
"But this whole thing, me being so afraid I'll turn into some kind of demon in bed...I just..." Yuri rubs at his face. "I know you're not made of glass, you'd stop me if I actually did go too far..."
"I would. But you won't." Ashe takes both his hands, squeezing them softly. "I trust you more than anything."
More silence. Yuri closes his eyes, Ashe gently rubs the heels of his hands with his thumbs, and they both just breathe. How long has he been holding onto this? Do the rest of the Ashen Wolves know? Part of him wishes he knew the names of those monsters so he could see justice done to them, but it won't erase what they did.
"Do you still want me?" Yuri finally asks. He's still hard, Ashe realizes. Even as they've been talking of such horrible things, Yuri's still hard.
"I don't think-"
"Do you want me?" he asks again. Ashe wants to say they shouldn't, he can't in good conscience have sex with a man who's just opened up such a deep, painful wound that's still raw after all this time. He wants to say let's wait until tomorrow, lest he be just as bad as those disgusting nobles.
But Yuri's eyes are looking deep into his, full of trust and vulnerability.
Full of need.
Yuri kisses him, runs a hand down his chest, and despite his lingering misgivings Ashe hardens again. This won't cure him, this won't erase what's done, but...
"Are you sure?" he whispers, and Yuri nods.
"I'll fuck you as hard as you want. No holding back this time." He doesn't move, though, and after a deep breath Ashe nods.
"Good." He finds the salve and presses it into Yuri's hand, and Yuri wastes no time in preparing them both. His initial thrust is sharp and deep and he starts moving right away, not even stopping to ask if this is okay. Ashe pulls him down and kisses him, wrapping his legs tightly around his lover's hips to drive him in deeper.
It's beyond incredible. Raw and primal, a wild blaze rather than the usual slow thick heat, every slam of Yuri's cock brushing right up against that one spot; when Ashe breaks the kiss he lets out such a scream. The room's soundproof (Constance's handiwork), but right now he wouldn't give half a damn if the entire Abyss heard him.
"Fuck," Yuri gasps, "shit, you're so tight-" And then he's biting down on Ashe's shoulder, squeezing his hip with one hand and sliding the other between them to grasp his cock. Ashe yells out again, fingernails digging into Yuri's shoulder.
"Don't stop," he pants, Yuri responds with an especially brutal thrust and a harder press of his teeth. He's close, he can feel Yuri getting closer, closer, faster, deeper...! Unlike previous orgasms this one is sudden and intense as the ground drops from under him, fire and lightning pulsing through his veins, his vision filling with stars.
Even when he finally drifts back down he still feels the remnants of that raw blaze, the mark he knows Yuri's teeth left on his shoulder, the pleasant ache inside him as Yuri pulls out.
"I didn't break," he murmurs. Yuri smiles almost tearfully, rolling onto his back and holding Ashe tightly against his chest. He's still vulnerable, trembling as he strokes Ashe's back, and Ashe nuzzles the hollow of his shoulder. "I love you."
"Just keep reminding me and I'll be okay," Yuri whispers as he begins to fall asleep. Ashe remains awake just a bit longer to watch over him, and makes a note to spoil him more than usual tomorrow.