Once upon a time there was a magical boy warrior named Ashe who fell in love with a beautiful man who was always coming to his aid. Ashe wasn't too brave, kind of a geeky bookworm with dorky freckles and he tended to cry and panic a lot in battle, so Tuxedo Batman always came to his aid throwing a rose.

There was also this guy who looked like Tuxedo Batman named Yuri. He was a snarky jerk who did crimes, but then Ashe found out he had a sick mama he was stealing the money for so one day he came over with cupcakes. Yuri loved cupcakes.

Then one day, the evil Cornelia attacked! She was sent by King Rowe, who remembered Yuri from a past life and wanted him. (Did I mention everyone in this world is reincarnated? Cause they were.) They were trapped! But then Ashe transformed into Sailor Knight and Yuri transformed...INTO TUXEDO BATMAN!! This was way past weird! But suddenly they remembered their undying eternal love for each other...

Just as Cornelia aimed at Sailor Knight.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Tuxedo Batman leaped in front of Sailor Knight and was impaled, collapsing dramatically. Sailor Knight fell to his knees and wept, cradling his one true love in his arms.

"Yuri, why?!"

"Because...I...love...you..." Yuri said, coughing up blood as if he were having a severe case of magical burnout. Which he sort of was because he was dying and his magic wasn't working. He died beautifully in Ashe's arms and Ashe cried as Cornelia took him away.

But then King Rowe found out about it and got mad and killed Cornelia, and she didn't get to die in anyone's arms because she sucks and one time she damselled Dimitri and also experimented on Ashe and Yuri's friend Hapi. Instead Rowe pushed her on her back and made a Titanus step on her.

"You are mine again," King Rowe said, and proceeded to use brainwashing magic on Yuri, who turned into an evil goth with fangs and leather pants and no shirt and pointy black boots and a cape. He also wore chains and had a tattoo of the Crest of Aubin on his back. "Now, go out there and attack the street rat!"

"Yes, my master. And later you may have sex with me," Yuri said robotically because Rowe had erased his memories of raping him in a past life so now Yuri would tell him yes. Yuri went off in his evil dark tuxedo while Rowe sent a monster after Ashe and his fellow Sailor Scouts: Sailor Abs, Sailor Spellcraft, Sailor Boobs, and Sailor Bad Table Manners.

(Sorry Hapi I didn't want to make fun of your condition and that was all I had!)

"Oh no, a monster! I fainted, someone carry me off the battlefield," Sailor Boobs said, but when it came at her she got pissed and smacked it over the head with her glowy axe. But the monster just split into two and the Sailor Scouts were outnumbered.

Then a black rose came from the sky and Ashe gasped.

"TXUEDO BATMAN?!"

"Bwahahahahaha! I am evil now, and I love King Rowe! You're a disgusting boy!" He reached out and poked Ashe with his finger, and Ashe gasped, swooning in shock and horror.

"Yuri! Oh no!"

"Everyone protect Freckles!" Hapi said, but their magic and their attacks didn't do anything.

"Oh no, my friends are getting hurt because I can't bring myself to attack my one true love!" Ashe cried. "But I'm so useless and small and uke and blorbo, how can I ever win?"

"You're stupid and annoying and I never liked you, Lonato died cause you didn't want to steal cable, you ate the last cupcake, blah blah blah," said Yuri evilly as King Rowe came over and held his hand. "You suck." Ashe swooned again and began to slip into an angst coma.

But then...he felt a special power surging in him! Not because all his friends were calling out to him (Constance and Hapi were making out while Balthus was bugging Hilda for money and she was yelling at him) but because Evil Yuri was so damn hot and he also remembered King Rowe being a smelly rapist.

So he rushed forward, covered in glittery sparkles, kicked King Rowe in the nuts and sent him flying. Then he embraced Evil Yuri.

"I was going to tell you to snap out of it and remember our true love, but you're so hot like this! Screw being a Sailor Scout, capture me and take me back to your evil lair and have your wicked way with me!"

**

"Hold it." Yuri grabbed Ashe's hand, stopping the pen just before he could have Tuxedo Batman reply. "I thought Sailor Ashe was supposed to make out with Tuxedo Yuri and bring him back to his senses and the power of love was so strong it made Rowe burst into flames."

"Yeah, it was..." Ashe blushed. "But Evil Tuxedo Batman's design lives rent-free in my head and it's really sexy and...I decided to do something different." Yuri rolled his eyes.

"Right, and then what happens to the other Sailor Scouts? And the rest of the world?"

"They're okay! Rowe's dead so his minions all die offscreen and the world is saved and Ashe gets to have the best sex ever with Evil Yuri. Who ends up in love with him anyway despite being all evil and gothic because their love is eternal!"

Yuri picked up the character design sheets. Ashe wasn't a bad artist, but he was no Ignatz and the costume designs were pretty cringe. Especially his.

"I still can't believe you named my alter ego Tuxedo Batman. Couldn't you have gone with something cooler? Like The Masked Talons." Ashe shook his head.

"You're my Tuxedo Batman, live with it." He smirked. "That being said, I could use a break from writing...care to steal me away to your evil lair and have your wicked way with me?" Yuri grinned. As always, Ashe knew the magic words. Plus, he'd been planning to do so anyway if Ashe had spent too much more time working on his ridiculous fanfic.

He scooped Ashe up in his arms and made his way back to the re-furnished boys' dorms with their black curtains and vampire decor.

"I'm not wearing leather pants or pointy boots, though."

"Just the cape, then?"

"Of course."

They banged throughout the night and the next day Ashe revised the entire story to be an erotica. Alas, he didn't change the names.